Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
