you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
