i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
