And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
