After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am naked and annoyed.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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