In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
