i jhust puked up my retainher.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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