First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
