Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize