I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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