it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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