drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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