I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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