Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
