can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
