This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
