Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
