Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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