he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
