somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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