remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
