I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize