Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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