Where did you get a picture of my penis
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
