I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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