Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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