I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We were destined to go to rehab together
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
