Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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