So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
