Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
