So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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