Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
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how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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