i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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