My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
