I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
