o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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