I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
