My hair reeks of homosexuality.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
