her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
