The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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