Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My balls are so social today.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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