This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
