You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
