i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
