so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
