I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
