I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
