Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
