Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
