Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
