hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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