Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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