It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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