My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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