drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
