you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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