What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize