I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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