you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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