wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
