Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
