Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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