Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
