he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize