i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
