i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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