Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
