party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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