Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
