she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
