you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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