I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
