youre lurking in front of me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
