I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
