Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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