If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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