we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
