saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
farters have to be the big spoon...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
