So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
