I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
