she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
