I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
