he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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