Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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